what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
