someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
