rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
