i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
