I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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