Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
