I think I died a long time ago.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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