The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
