maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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