this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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