Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
