Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
