You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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