threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
