we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
