mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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