If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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