How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
