babies were throwing up all over the place
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
