You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
