sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
