upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
