I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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