I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
