I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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