so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
