I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
