I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you had me at cake vodka
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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