I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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