I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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