I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
