Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
