Four minutes until I can fart!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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