What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I have aggressive nipples.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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