I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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