I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I am available for nakedness
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
