So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
