I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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