She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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