Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
