how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
