i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
