i permit you to call me
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Come back. Shots need mouths.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
