omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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