I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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