I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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