Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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