The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
