Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
