She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
