you traded sex for a burrito?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
