RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize