Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
