He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
