everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
