this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
worst night to have a conscience
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
