home. puking in laundry basket.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
