I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
