then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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