Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
