i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
