The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
