i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Someone shattered a urinal.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
