dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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