I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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