What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Houston, we have a blender
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize