We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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