i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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